Sunday Dinner, October 17, 2010

After several weeks hiatus, I'm back, although I don't have a Sunday Dinner menu to share. I have no idea what I'm doing for Sunday Dinner this week, as per the usual as of late.

Lamar has plans to come home directly after church and eat a sandwich while watching his football games, but I have no idea what my sisters or Jessica, Jason and Emmy are doing for Sunday Dinner. We'll just wing it and decide after church tomorrow afternoon what to do, but more than likely we'll end up eating out somewhere.

For those who may be experiencing withdrawals from not hearing about my menus for so long, for our Saturday Supper this week I fried some pork steaks, fixed some fried potatoes and made Lamar some cream gravy. Maybe not the healthiest of meals, but it sure was good.

On Friday night I grilled some country style pork ribs and yellow squash for our supper, and earlier in the week I made a big pot of homemade cabbage rolls and cooked some jasmine rice to serve with them.

For those of you who've asked about my health and my test results, I'm feeling much better lately, but my tests were inconclusive. They still don't know what's up with the pressure and burning in my neck. They say there are no signs of major blockages or tumors, which is good, but that doesn't explain why I'm still having symptoms. It is much less frequent than it was, so I'm thankful for that.

While Lamar and I were talking about divorce and dealing with a lot of emotional turmoil, I went through a period of depression. I've had mild episodes of depression in the past but took no medications and it passed relatively quickly and with no treatment.

This time I knew I needed some help, so I told my doctor how I was feeling, and she prescribed a very mild antidepressant. I dutifully took a pill each day for 3 days, and by the third day I knew I was in trouble.

For whatever reason, the medication I took made me much worse than I was before I took the meds. I've never felt so bad in my entire life. I was beyond miserable, and I had no interest in anything. I couldn't concentrate to read or do anything on my computer, television had no appeal at all, and I had no interest in food or anything else. Even breathing seemed like an effort.

I knew it was the meds making me feel that way, so after the third day I quit taking them and immediately started improving. If I'd taken them much longer I think I'd have been suicidal. I realize that some people need meds to get better, but that particular one is obviously not a good one for me.

Since Lamar and I made the decision to work on mending our marriage, I've feel better every day. I still have a bad day here and there, but overall I'm pleased to report that I'm doing much better both physically and emotionally.

One lingering after effect of the depression seems to be limited concentration. I haven't been posting on Facebook or here on my blog, and I haven't been able to read much or do much of anything that involves using more than 2 brain cells at a time.

I won't make any promises I may not be able to keep, but I'll try to post more frequently here and on Facebook. I'm very thankful and humbled by all the love and prayers shown to me while I've been going through my illness and rocky time in my marriage.

Your comments here and on Facebook and your emails and messages have touched me more than you'll ever know. There's no way I can respond to each communication, but I do appreciate each one.

Time to get this published and try to get a little sleep. I hope everyone has a blessed Lord's Day. May God meet all your needs and may you have enough to share, dear family and friends.

Sunday Dinner, September 12, 2010

I feel like a fraud still calling this my Sunday Dinner post when I'm so rarely cooking these days, but here goes.

Once again, I'm not cooking this week and I don't know where I'll be eating. If you'd like to share your Sunday Dinner plans this week, feel free to do so in the comments.

Thank you for all your comments, messages, emails and cards. I've read and appreciate each one, and I'm touched by your love and concern for me.

My earlier medical tests were all inconclusive, and I had another CT scan this past Tuesday on my neck. I go back to my doctor this coming Tuesday to find out the results and we'll go from there.

Overall I'm feeling much better health wise and emotionally. I was prescribed an antidepressant that made me much worse, so I stopped taking it after 4 days and am in a much better frame of mind now.

Also, Lamar and I have decided to try again with our relationship and our marriage. We can always separate and divorce later if this doesn't work out, but we want to make this work if we can at all. On October 25th we'll have been married for 25 years, and that's a long time to walk away from.

I'm sorry to leave everyone hanging but I've needed this time away to gather my thoughts and get myself back together emotionally. The last couple of months have been some of the hardest times I've ever been through and though it's better now in many ways, Lamar and I still have a lot to work through.

Hopefully I'll continue to improve emotionally and can keep up my Sunday Dinner posts from now on.

And now I'll wish everyone one a blessed Lord's Day, and my prayer for everyone is that God will bless you with all you need and enough to share.

Sunday Dinner, August 29, 2010

Just stopping by to let everyone know I'm doing okay, but just not in the best frame of mind right now to blog about much.

I'm not cooking Sunday Dinner this week and have no idea where I'll be eating.

For those of you who've messaged and emailed me, I thank you for your love and support. Please don't think I'm being rude if I haven't answered you, but I've got a lot on my mind and just can't handle talking about it right now.

May God meet all your needs, and may you have enough to share.

Sunday Dinner, August 22, 2010

Sunday Dinner time again already? I suppose so, so I'll get right down to it.

As has been my habit a lot here lately, I'm not cooking Sunday Dinner this week. There are just too many unknowns as far as who might be here and how I might feel, so I'm gonna give it a pass this week. We will more than likely end up eating out somewhere, but it's also possible we may end up back at my place to eat a sandwich.

For those of you who'd like to participate this week, just mention your plans/menu in the comments.

I still don't have any test results yet, even after making another trip to my doctor's office to try to get them in person. I did however manage to get the test results faxed from the hospital to my doctor's office, so they should be able to tell me something Monday morning when I go for a follow up appointment with my regular doctor.

Let's hope anyway, or you may be hearing a small explosion from my general vicinity. This has passed ridiculous now and edged over into unacceptable. It was 2 weeks this past Thursday since I had the tests, and still no results. Ugh.

I'm feeling better overall, but still have some days better than others, and I still tire easily. I still have pressure in my neck at times, but that seems to be better and less frequent than before as well.

I'm sure the test results will determine where I go from here as far as any treatment or new drugs needed, if any.

On another note, I mentioned last week that I had more news to share, although I don't really look forward to sharing this particular bit of news.

To put it plainly, Lamar and I will be getting divorced as soon as we can get things in motion.

This has been a hard decision on both our parts, but we are both in agreement that it's the best thing for us. We are not fighting or arguing over the division of any of our things, we just want to make this as easy as we can for both of us.

Please don't think that I'm only giving you all the run around and I'm secretly hiding my suffering, because that's truly not the way things are for me. While this has been a hard decision for both of us, I'm truly at peace with my decision.

Lamar and I are still living in the same apartment as we look for a new place for Lamar to live, hopefully still in the same neighborhood, so that he can still be near Jessica and her family, and also still be near me and all his lifelong friends and neighbors.

Even though we'll no longer be married, Lamar and I have been together for over 25 years and will remain friends and more than likely still spend a lot of time together, just as friends instead of husband and wife, and we still share family and friends together.

My life will be changing in the coming weeks, and I am okay with that, I even look forward to helping Lamar get settled into a new place while I remain here in this apartment. Lots of changes coming in the near future, and I'll deal with it as it comes to me.

I need to get this published and get some sleep, so I'll wish everyone a blessed Lord's Day. May God meet all your needs and may you have enough to share, dear family and friends.

With much love,